Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
