Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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