I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
