Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
