Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
