why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
