does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
