Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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