I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
