he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
