I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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