just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
