How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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