well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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