I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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