I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The Olympian is in my bed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
