Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Everyone says I win the strip club
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
