i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
