I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize