Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
