Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
