How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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