He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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