Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
