We named our party play list daddy issues
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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