Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
