youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I want a musical about memes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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