We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
