Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
