so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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