I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
wow bdsm is so cute
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
