I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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