we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
