Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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