We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
