Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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