wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
