I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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