i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
