In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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