Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
