FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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