hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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