smell my finger.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
