We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
