I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
