Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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