Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish my penis had an off switch
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
