Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
well you can't waste a boner
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
