did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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