My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
