how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
