loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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