was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize