You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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