I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
