dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize