i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
