she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
