I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
