If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
