I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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