i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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