Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We have started to decorate penises.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
