i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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