We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
