I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
