Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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