I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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