I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
