Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
