wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
