dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
