call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
