It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
