Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
