I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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