i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
