Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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