Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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