Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
