Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
