Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
