i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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