so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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