Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
