i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
