Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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