Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
