My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
