I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
