That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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