yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
