i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
