I want to walk on stilts...naked
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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