WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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